happy

in the secret way
that only you and i know about

written on the backs of notebooks
spiral bound
stuffed between the old and not too old

a note to each other
in the way it slips so easy
past the wordless way you see me
and the tactilness of your fingertips
as i pass between the way i used to be
and the past i will become

dm
7/21/2009
v.1

Happy

what is the wonder that keeps the stars apart
the everything that warps
through all the pleasures
and quiet booming force
you

so like the sea you speak
a hundred fathoms deep, delicious with the rolling throom
and thrush and foam
capped with wind, rolling, roiling
silent in the infinate dark
and soft sway of you

dm
7/21/2009
v.1

Happy

not too much longer now and then
and I know where I'll be waking up
and I know where my body will feel
most at ease

and that touch that most
makes the warm still moving
and pushes lightly through
fingers and toes brush across
move the sheet

the hum of the ceiling fan
and 15 foot ceilings in a place that feels like home
and skin and bone and blood
sweat water
your hands over mine
pushing through, slowly, slowly
careful with the new soft of you
every time

dm
7/21/2009
v.1

Drawn over

erased and smeared away
or smudged just enough to be recognizable
by only you

covered with bones baby doll parts
colored swipes of affordable expensive pastel
a quarter each from the store that takes you away from me

a little more drift
a little more out to sea

dm
7/21/2009
v.1

Sensitivity and the sunrise

I stayed up all night again waiting for something to happen
I'm not sure anymore what I expect that to be
but the hum of the refrigerator can't clue me in

felt that cumming inside you would make some difference but it doesn't
I don't think there was ever a chance that you and I would have a child
Or maybe it's just me that wouldn't or won't ever

Taken back to piles of beer cans
burned down packs of reds that just don't seem to be an option anymore
Now that everyone has moved on and found
that something

commiserate with the absurdity of being 38 and alone again
watch you pass through me
folding up the memory of us
depositing it, so easily
leaving it alone, too

spin off into nothing nothing nothing
just an ache and (literally)
a broken heart

wait for that to punt out or just forget to take my pill
and sink down into the lovely restful sleep I just can't seem to
get anymore

All the way at the edge of the bed

You slept there again
Covered completely, face and neck hidden
barrier of blanket

Keeping me at length, pushed away
How many more nights will this be
The way I don't sleep

dm
17 Jul 2009
v.1